And the day came…

…when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
–Anais Nin

life is not long…

…and too much of it must not pass in idle deliberation on how it shall be spent.
Samuel Johnson

the value of life

A couple of weeks ago, there was a bird trapped in the entryway of the building where I work. It kept flying around the ceiling, but wouldn’t come down low enough to go out the door, even though some kind soul had propped the door open with a garbage can. The bird desperately and repeatedly called to another bird outside, who would then answer back. But all this was to no avail, because even though we stayed there for a while, holding the doors open in the hopes that the bird would feel an air current or something and understand that it needed to fly down, it didn’t get it and finally we had to leave.

I felt incredibly sad after this encounter and even considered rushing to some sporting store to buy a net with which maybe I could capture the bird and release it safely outdoors. Can you imagine?

But it also got me thinking… about why this one bird was affecting me so much… and how there are so many other problems in the world like the genocide in Darfur, the killing in Iraq and the Middle East, the homeless and hungry and poor everywhere… and it’s so easy to live my life on a daily basis while continuing to ignore the larger problems and serious issues facing the world.

And then a small bird flies in and messes everything up…

girlfriends

I just finished having dinner and drinks with a girlfriend I haven’t seen or spoken to in a few months. It was really nice and it felt great to connect and catch up with each other, but is it weird to go that long in between?

I guess that I have friends who I speak with even less whom I still consider my friends. There are those people who you can not see forever, and then when you do get together, it seems like no time has elapsed at all. There is a comfort level, just some kind of connection, that goes deeper than the daily-life-stuff. (And yet, there are people you see every day who you don’t want any kind of connection with!)

But I must admit that with this girlfriend, I was beginning to doubt that our friendship was very important. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to call her and reignite the friendship. (Even though I am so glad now that she called and we did get together!) I mean, let’s be honest. In today’s world, everyone is so incredibly busy and in order to maintain a REAL friendship, it takes time and it takes effort on the part of both people. And I feel like I have worked for friendships that maybe haven’t been worth it in the past, and I want to be more choosy about how I’m spending my time.

Does that make me a selfish person? Or does that make me a valuable friend? Lately, I am even considering among my family members – who do I want to call this week? I come from a very big family and it’s unrealistic to think that I can be close to everyone. I am sick of feeling guilty for not being close to everyone in my family – when that just isn’t natural or a reasonable expectation. There are some who I feel closer to, and that’s okay. I am going to be ok with it and stop apologizing for the siblings I don’t call and the birthday parties I don’t attend and start valuing the friendships that I do want to maintain and learn to let go of those that I don’t need.

oceanliner

i’ve always wondered what it would be like to live next to the ocean. something about it is so appealing to me. i imagine that it would be relaxing and exciting at the same time! the whole act of being near an ocean reminds me of my ant-like insignificance and at the same time makes me feel powerful and alive. i love the fact that you can look out as far as you are able, and see nothing but water.

we’ve been to the lake a few times recently, and it has the same effect on me, obviously on a much smaller scale. i love the rhythm of the water, whether the wind is shaping it or whether the ocean’s waves are pounding the shore. it would be a great place to meditate.

a friend of mine who tragically died this summer in a car accident had owned a lake cabin. he was so generous about inviting anyone and everyone to come visit. if i said you were my friend, that was good enough for him. so, i guess it’s more than just the lapping of the waves, or the glint of the sun off the water, but it’s also remembering the good times we had and the fun people we met at the lake that make it attractive to me. i associate it with love and laughter and great people. i also miss my friend and maybe my longing for the ocean is one way of longing for him.

living in Minnesota

hi everyone. i want to hear what you think about living in Minnesota. why do you live here? why don’t you live here? what do you love about it? what do you hate about it? what keeps you here or what sent you packing? where else would you like to live?